Shooting straight from the heart tonite!
I found out today that my husband was still smoking. I guess I had suspected. He has tried to quit several times. I cannot pretend to know how hard it is to quit. I have been there for him everytime he has tried to quit, with support and love. So today I was heart broken. Heart broken and worried and in despair. In despair that I cannot help him. Helping people is what I do. But I have to remember that I can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. It is the same thing with weight loss and nutrition. If someone does not want to take those first steps you can’t take them for them. I guess it just hits home more tonite. I shall repeat this again and again until I am ok with this….You can’t want something for someone more than they want it for themselves. I may need to say this alot over the next few days. And, I will be the strong one, and through my hurt and anger I will continue to watch over me. Starting tomorrow I am searching for life insurance. Something I should have done years ago. I have always been the responsible one, I will continue to serve that role, for myself and for my family.
And isn’t it funny how we revert back to old habits when we are stressed! Back before I found Beachbody and a healthier lifestyle I suffered from eating disorders. Tonite despite my best efforts to stave off the stress demon, I dove into that bowl of ice cream. I am now sitting here ashamed of myself because I thought I was past this. Well I guess you are never really “past” something like that, but I was winning the battle. And I am angry at myself because my job is to help people get past these same issues. But I have to remember that I too am human. I am human and for people to see that is a good thing. Because if I were perfect and never messed up then how could people relate to me?
I am not afraid of failure in my business. But failure in my personal life is another issue for me. I need to work on not being afraid of failure when it comes to personal “stuff”. Always something to work on right? Because if we had nothing to work on then how boring would that be!?
So this is me…getting real and personal. And regretting that ice cream I just ate! My body will remind me in the morning I am sure!